Reflections on the Incel Talk by the Connecting Psychology Hub

Today, I want to share my reflections on the insightful talk about incels, hosted by the Connecting Psychology Hub. Walking in, I had no idea what the term “incel” actually meant. I attended out of curiosity and a genuine desire to understand how this concept might relate to our psychological work. I anticipated learning something interesting—but I left with far more than expected.

What Are Incels?

We began by unpacking the term “incel”, short for “involuntary celibate”. Initially, it was coined from a social justice perspective to support people who, despite wanting romantic or sexual relationships, struggle to form them. It was meant to be a compassionate label—one that acknowledged a difficult experience and created a sense of community.

The incel community began between 1993 and 1997 with Alana’s Involuntary Celibacy Project. This created by a Alana seeking to understand and connect with others experiencing romantic loneliness. It was intended as a compassionate, inclusive space for people of all genders who struggled with forming intimate relationships despite desiring connection and companionship. By the early 2000s, the community began to drift toward pessimism. From 2005 to 2013, it embraced blackpill philosophy and isolation. In 2014, Elliot Rodger became a catalyst for more radical changes. Between 2015 and 2017, fragmentation and radicalisation increased, leading to global attention in 2018 after Alek Minassian's attack. From 2019 to 2022, the culture deepened through memeification and echo chambers. Most recently, from 2023 to 2025, the trend appears to show quiet persistence and subtle adaptation.

Over time, however, the term has been adopted by certain online subcultures, shifting its original purpose. Many of these spaces now serve as echo chambers that promote exclusion, alienation, and sometimes, deeply misogynistic or fatalistic ideologies.

The Internet as Identity Space

A key insight from the talk was the concept of internet identity. Rather than seeing the internet as just a platform, we explored it as a space—akin to physical communities—where individuals form and express evolving identities. Terms like digital natives, digital immigrants, and digital nomads help us understand the nuances of people’s engagement with digital spaces.

This understanding is especially crucial when reflecting on the incel identity. Though it is not a clinical diagnosis, it is undeniably a social identity—one that powerfully influences mental health. Using social identity theory, we can see how such identification may lead to increased anger, low self-worth, and isolation, all of which reinforce barriers to seeking connection or professional help.

Mental Health and Employment

The talk shed light on troubling mental health patterns among incels. Research suggests those identifying with the label often face elevated rates of suicidality, depression and anxiety, as well as higher prevalence of autism spectrum conditions and ADHD. These individuals may also experience severe self-criticism and chronic feelings of rejection.

We also examined the ideologies of the “red pill” and “black pill.” Red pill narratives—popularised by figures such as Andrew Tate—suggest that self-improvement (via fitness, wealth, or confidence) can ‘rescue’ men from inceldom. In contrast, black pill thinking is more nihilistic, promoting the belief that no effort will ever overcome one's perceived undesirability. Unsurprisingly, the latter view fosters deeper despair and entrenched misogynistic and self-loathing thought patterns.

How Can We Support This Community?

A major takeaway from the session was the need to build trust, empathy, and non-judgement when working with incel-identified individuals. Person-centred approaches—such as Carl Rogers’ emphasis on unconditional positive regard—should be foundational before introducing more structured methods like Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) or schema therapy. These modalities can help challenge entrenched narratives of self-blame and rejection.

Crucially, therapists must avoid confrontational approaches, especially early in the therapeutic relationship. Labelling clients as misogynistic or attacking their worldview can prompt shutdown and resistance. Instead, we must approach with curiosity and compassion, creating a space where clients feel safe enough to explore and shift their perspectives.

Reflections on Digital Literacy

I found myself reflecting on my own digital identity. Though by age I may be considered a digital native or immigrant, I resonate more with the idea of being a digital nomad—someone constantly navigating unfamiliar digital landscapes. This talk reminded me how vital it is to deepen our digital literacy, especially as therapists. Online subcultures are shaping people’s self-concepts, and these virtual spaces must be accounted for in psychological formulation and intervention. Which i will talk about in another blog post.

A Special Thanks

Finally, I want to highlight the incredible contribution of the speaker from CEARs, a charity doing pivotal work in this area. Their expertise enriched the talk, and I highly recommend exploring their work if you’re interested in this topic.To learn more or engage with these themes further, visit:

email: enquiry@cear.uk

If you want to go to one of their amazing events by the Conn8cting- pub psychology community , follow the link below

https://chat.whatsapp.com/IBZS0yBYGdJIbLgZ21xc26

Lastly, Whilst reading this article, do any reflections or viewpoints come to mind?

Comment your views below.